Why the millennial generation hates to fail
I hate game shows. (Except The Biggest Loser) … I can’t stand the suspense of a clock ticking down seconds, with an HD close-up shot of a contestant’s sweaty forehead; or a singer/dancer/comedian showcasing his talent (or lack thereof) for critics to scoff or fans to swoon; or a winner and a loser, not a bunch of people applauded for just trying. … There is too much potential for failure, for vulnerability, for messing up.
I thought this merely indicated my preference for scripted, planned drama on shows like Friday Night Lights or The Hills. But my husband pointed out that it’s in fact an unhealthy view I have of life: that everyone should excel at everything they do, or else not even try. I blame it on my membership in the Millennial generation.
A controversial study reported on by the Los Angeles Times suggests that Generation Y-ers (or Millennials) are so overly self-confident that they’re narcissistic. This attitude – widely recognized in teenagers to 20-somethings – breeds discontentment and a constant need for praise and “patting on the head,” in the workplace, according to a Reuters article.
Beginning back in preschool with gold stars for accomplishments and now constant self-promotion on Facebook and Twitter, we are used to being recognized. In reality, meaningful recognition is so rare that it doesn’t motivate, it’s more like a cherry on top. But since childhood, many of us have found the recognition we receive defines us, and the process of learning, working or performing that led to the recognition loses its meaning.
When everyone in the class is forced to hand out a Valentine to everyone else, a natural opportunity to experience rejection is thwarted. When everyone receives a blue ribbon at field day, the reality that some people are better runners than others is hidden. And when memorizing facts earns an A — which contributes to a 4.0 and leads to a Valedictorian title — those facts are lost, replaced by a sense of accomplishment as fleeting as Brutus’ loyalty. Or would it be Mark Antony’s? I forget.
Anyway, I can relate. My day is brightened when the barista compliments my nails, and a downward slope on a Google Analytics pageview graph leaves me wallowing in self-doubt and reaching for my high school yearbooks, when people told me I was 2 cute 2 b 4gotten. I need approval from others.
But now that I see the error of my ways, I can turn from it:
Step 1: Stop seeking to please others and instead focusing on loving people around me in action and in truth.
Step 2: I will not only stop hiding from failure, but I’ll embrace it. I’ll intentionally start projects or pursue ideas that are outside of my comfort zone, because learning from mistakes will shape my character. Weakness is the new strength.
Step 3: I’ll redefine what success means. My capital gains will be comprised of a wealth of knowledge, friendship and faith. My portfolio will be the little folder on my desk that holds all of my scribbled down goals, encouraging notes and Bible verses. Climbing the corporate ladder will be me using the step stool to hang pictures and diplomas in our home office. And my paycheck will be made out in unicorns.
OK, I guess there’s some good that comes from striving to succeed, and there’s a practical need for being good at what you do. But what’s the balance?
So, I actually heard a Focus on the Family Broadcast that covered something like this, and it was recently… anyway it was about how as parents we need to get away from the psychological model of raising children to have high self esteem and therefore raise children with LARGE senses of entitlement, and raise them using a biblical model that the world doesn’t revolve around you, and that you’re here to serve others, and istead raise children with high self worth instead of esteem (I think). It was a lot to take in, and I only heard part I I think, but I’d love to hear what you think about it compared to what you were posting here. It’s true, you know well that I HATE failing, so out of fear I usually do not try if there’s any doubt of being unsuccessful, but we miss so much of life by just trying things (ex: the awesome artwork you created). Anyway, later gator.
I disagree about using 1981 to describe the beginning of the millenial generation. ANYONE can be a millenial if he/she is tech – savvy and open – minded to ALL kinds of diversity. I was born in 1979 and both of these characteristics describe me. Also, I am impatient and want a job that is rewarding and fun rather than one that just pays money (2 more gen y characteristics). Also, MOST of those born in the late 1970s can be described as gen y because studies have shown that they have very similar attitudes to those born in the 80s (they too voted 66 – 32 in favor of Obama). And don’t forget, those born in 1978 just came of age when the web became popular in 1996 – hence the term “net generation”.
Katy, I think I agree with the whole self-worth vs. self-esteem thing. When we hate to fail, we make any endeavor about ourselves. We love doing things we’re good at, because it makes us feel good. But when we only do things that make us feel good about ourselves, the focus shifts and suddenly the world revolves around us.
David, I agree that the term “millennial generation” can be defined too narrowly. It’s more than just a description of people whose ages fit within the definition, which will always have caveats and exceptions. It marks the beginning of an era of globalization, minute-by-minute breaking news, dependence on technology, etc. that affects more than just a subgroup of people.
I think that in time, the millennial’s will sort themselves out. The fear of failure is a side affect of being raised differently than than previous generations. But I think that it’s something that was imposed on your generation, but can be changed in adulthood. Once that fear is conquered, I think that your generation will have a great capacity for fearless compassion.
I worry more about the lack of boundries that some young people in high school and early adulthood are showing when it comes to exhibitionisim and a lack of personal private space. They’re always “on”. Perhaps the internet , social networking, and texting, tweeting, and the ability to upload pictures are in part to blame. Wanting to be popular has been kicked up a notch to battling for celebrity on the net. Posting suggestive or shocking photos can suddenly bring a lot of attention. The number of friends one has on a social networking site becomes a status symbol.I think these will be harder and more damaging issues to deal with both for the individual and society as this generation gets older.
Back on the topic of fear of failure. Once this generation understands the difference between self respect and self esteem, they’ll be just fine. Self respect is EARNED, through discipline, hard work, education, application , climbing mountain, and sometimes falling off the mountain. It’s earned though service to others, and by living your life by a code of honour . (And yes, realizing that there is a higher power) Self confidence is the end result of having gained competence, humility and strength of character.
Self esteem is PASSIVE, and therefore easily damaged. (Daddy didn’t love me enough, so I have low self esteem.) No amount of writing out affirmations and sticking them on the mirror will create confidence. Only through the process of building self respect can that be attained
There are things in life we can control, and things that we cannot. We can only pray for the wisdom to know the difference. Building and EARNING self respect is within the realm of our control. Leave self esteem for the victimology industry. (Because like any billion dollar industry, they need a steady supply of victims to “fix”.) And the cult of self esteem has certainly done that.
One reason why people use dates to define the Millenial Generation is because they falsely believe that younger people are THE ONES that are open – minded to social progressive issues such as green technologies, immigration rights, and lgbtq issues (same – sex marriage, crossdressing/blurring of gender roles, etc.), and giving a tremendous amount of money to charity despite the probability of having very slow economic growth. There are PLENTY of seniors who favor these things as well. I am one of them myself. I have:
1. donated money and a few clothes to charity.
2. lobbied the government on environmental issues.
3. become an lgbtq activist/kilt – wearer.
And as for globilisation – it REALLY began in the 1960s via sattelites. Then came email around 1990 (my father had it in ’92) coupled with the global spread of cultures.