Anxiety, planes and Aerosmith

I have struggled with anxiety. It used to rear its ugly head in the oddest places, at a checkout counter in the mall, in a nice restaurant, on top of a mountain. But without fail, I would get anxious on planes. Take off, landing and any hiccup in the air would send my heart rate into overdrive, and I would try to get used to the idea of the plane careening onto a deserted island where I would live out my last days searching for someone named Jacob, which was always the best-case scenario. Now? I’ve come a long way.

In the past year, my husband and I have done a lot of traveling. I also saw a counselor. My exposure to turbulence and time spent talking through my issues has been invaluable. This weekend, as we traveled to a wedding in Phoenix, I gazed out the window happily, imagining what it would be like to reach out and grab a handful of cloud, letting it dissolve on my tongue like cotton candy. When we hit some major bumps, I delighted in children giggling and shrieking in joy — totally oblivious to some of the adults around them who shooosh-ed them through gritted teeth, no doubt preparing for their own doom.

My husband, who barely noticed the roller coaster of a plane ride, nor the kids laughing, nor my anxiety-less breakthrough, was too busy mimicking the flight attendant who sounded like Sean Connery. With head phones on, the hubbs loudly repeated what came over the speakers and slipped into an SNL act that brings to mind Burt Reynolds playing Jeopardy. Then he leaned over me to point out mountains, rivers and reservoirs out the window as if he were looking at a big map with labels and scales and topography. I followed his finger, but geography eludes me, and all I could picture was the Aerosmith video when they write words on the corn field with the tractor.

I was going to embed the video — which I practically memorized back in my middle school years — but now in my old age, I find it wildly inappropriate. Liv Tyler in a strip club, paralleling her dad’s performance? Shoplifting? Creepy man outside of a gas station? Yikes. You get a screen shot of the last scene instead.

Anyway, my journey through anxiety and into peace has been a blessing. While panic disorders are relatively common, they can make you feel crazy. But there’s hope. I’m proof.