Facebook statuses about Jesus and soldiers

Here’s a status update that’s been peppered across my facebook newsfeed:

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Press 1 for English. Press 2 to disconnect until you learn to speak English. And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, JESUS CHRIST. And the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. If you agree… copy and paste in your status.

I don’t get it.

Dear people who posted this status update,

As I understand it, you are telling me that:
A) I can’t live in the United States if I don’t speak English
B) I have to believe in Jesus Christ and the American soldier (seemingly equally)
C) The U.S. receptionist (probably with an office in the Statue of Liberty) should use this recording to answer all calls

Please explain how A and B relate to each other. And how much the receptionist in C gets paid. And does the AMERICAN SOLDIER still die for the freedom of someone who disconnected because they don’t speak English? Did JESUS CHRIST still die for the souls of people who were disconnected AND didn’t agree, copy and paste the status? Finally, why did you decide this was an important update for the facebook world to see?

Your response is appreciated.

Sincerely,

Kirsten