Megabyte me.

If you question my loathing for technology, just take a gander at that clip above. That’s my message to computers.

It’s true: I’m techno-needy. E-mail is my main form of communication. That’s how my husband and I started dating — through e-mails and texts. Now I IM with my husband just as much as we talk face-to-face. I check facebook statuses on my phone during commercial breaks, just so I don’t miss anything. And my work depends and thrives on the computer — writing, photo editing, layout, grant research.

But I hate technology.

I don’t care if it’s simply installing a program on a brand new laptop. It will not work for me. I’ll spend hours typing in “help me! digital signature does not validate” on discussion boards far and wide. And I’ll never be able to just plug a computer into a printer. I’ll have the wrong cords. Or the printer will only speak Mandarin Chinese, and my computer will only speak Olde English. And don’t get me started in on my html catastrophes. My nickname around the office is Malform. Well, no, it’s not, because no one here knows what a malformed tag is.

And that’s why I’m lucky. I hide my hatred and incompetencies well. Also I’m lucky because my husband takes my malformed tags, uninstalled programs, clunky printers and whiny complaints, and he cranks it out. I bet he could even take that clip above and make it work. Which would be a miracle. No, seriously, like bringing Lazarus back to life.

To illustrate my point, I posted that clip. I hope you tried clicking on it several times. I hope you got frustrated when it didn’t work. Welcome to my aura. Now let’s accept that it will never work, and move on.