OK, kids, time to learn about impending doom.

It’s been awhile since I was a child at a party, but I remember duck, duck, goose being the highlight, not mock disaster exercises.

But it seems disaster preparedness teams now strategically target children with their threats of pandemics, terrorist attacks and overall horrific mass calamities. Don’t wince, it’s OK – according to this article, happy little cartoon characters like Ready Eddie present the message. And topics are varied:

Among the “fun things” promised by the Commander Ready workbook is a word game on biological attack. Children are invited to design a flag for their evacuation shelter.

Terrorism is a scary reality. But how does telling a classroom full of youngsters about massacre scenarios help? Are they going to go home, relay the information from Safety Suzy to their parents, who will make necessary adjustments to their homes and lifestyles, thereby arming themselves against destruction? Can a supply of batteries, water and a radio really help during so-called apocalyptic times?

I find it hard to believe that the best way to inform parents on good safety plans is through their children. Adults don’t need children to usher them into the realm of fear-driven preparedness. Last year during hurricane season, Central Texans got whiff of a severe storm, and all grocery store shelves were sold out of bread, water and canned meat. And during the scattered thunderstorms that ensued, we were a prepared people.

Yeah, we don’t need help getting scared. However we could do a better job of being informed. I’m not even sure what Anthrax is; I just associate it with envelopes. In this case, I’m definitely not smarter than a third grader.

When so much political conversation, from all sides, is based on scare tactics, I’m surprised anyone can come out from hiding under their beds — or their climate-controlled bomb shelters. Why would the Department of Homeland Security stop short of telling children about the horrific ways they could die?

To these organizations’ credit, they do give kids solutions, like FEMA’s make-do shelter out of duct tape and plastic sheeting. I hope that students involved in that lesson just remember making a cool fort, and not a tactic for protecting themselves during impending warfare.